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Review

OMG! What an absolutely stunning book! SO MUCH EMOTION!

I feel like this is a book in two parts. The first part is boy meets girl, and all is swoony and gorgeous, and I was completely swept up in the romantic bliss. The second part is a much darker, more emotional read that ripped my heart out in places, and left me crying at the unfairness of it all.

Our heroine is Maggie. And OMG, I absolutely LOVE her! 17 years old, she’s honest, open-minded, sarcastic, and oh so witty. Her inner monologue is hilarious. And she constantly speaks her mind, so her dialogue and banter is absolutely sensational! She’s your ‘average’ girl, has two best friends that she has grown up with, loving and supportive parents and no past traumas or issues of any kind. If anything, she’s a little bored of her life and the ‘normal-ness’ of it all.

And then along comes Clay.

From the very beginning when they literally run into each other, there is a something about Clay that captures Maggie’s attention

“There was something about Clayton Reed that seemed to broadcast vulnerability. The hunch to his shoulders, the refusal to look at anyone. It was as if he didn’t want anyone to see him and that made me want to do just that.”

She is instantly smitten and, being the bold, tenacious girl that she is, needs to know more about him. So she starts to pester him, hanging around, asking personal questions, wanting to get to know him and become friends… or preferably more.

“Why are you interested in me?” He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn’t want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies. That might be a little much.”

Clay and Maggie start hanging out, and form a strong friendship – with some serious chemistry! Clay clearly has some issues, with erratic behaviour and massive mood swings, and Maggie digs deep to try to get him to talk to her, but it isn’t until she witnesses his behaviour at its most extreme that he drops the mother of all bombshells on her and reveals that he is suffering from serious mental illness. Although she is shocked by his revelation, Maggie doesn’t care, and after learning his awful backstory, and all about his hateful parents and neglectful childhood, she vows to be the one to stand by him and support him no matter what – thinking that maybe if she loves him enough, it might just fix him. There are a few bumps along the way, but their friendship soon develops into beautiful and oh-so-swoony, teenage first love.

“You ran into my life, this beautiful, amazing girl who changed everything. I finally saw what my world could be. What being normal and happy could look like. You’ve given me everything I never thought I could have!”

Their love for each other is very deep, and they pretty much exist in their own little bubble, with Clay clinging to Maggie as the one good thing in his life. And, brushing aside concern from her friends about Clay’s behaviour, and her parents’ concern about her total preoccupation with him, Maggie is determined to protect the boy that has become her whole world.

“They had no idea what Clay went through every day. How hard it was for him to hold it together. They didn’t see how beautiful and perfect we were together. They just didn’t get it.”

Clay still battles his illness, and Maggie continues to try to help him – overlooking his mood swings, being there for him, and forgiving him when he treats her badly. And as the book progresses, an undercurrent of sadness and dread starts to form, for as much as they love each other, you know that the happy time can’t last, and it’s all going to fall apart in a horrible, devastating mess.

“I felt like I was trying to hold on to a block of ice as it slowly melted through my fingers. I couldn’t keep hold of the happiness I felt in those moments when things were good. Because the bad loomed not far away, just waiting to wipe everything else away.”

I love, love, love these characters! Maggie and Clay are both absolutely amazing. Clay is such a broken soul. He is desperate for happiness, to have a normal life with the girl that he loves so passionately, but his illness is a constant factor.

“The struggle is really hard sometimes. And then I meet you. And I feel stuff that I’ve never felt before. Things that I never thought I would be lucky enough to experience. And I feel so out of control in the way I am with you. Like I’m stripped bare and for once someone sees everything inside of me… the good and the really, really ugly.”

With his violent mood swings, he lashes out at Maggie, and my heart broke for him as he tried so hard to apologise and make it up to her, and try to be a better person for her. He does everything he possibly can to grab onto her with both hands and never let her go.

“This is forever, Maggie. I would follow you into hell if I had to … You are all I want for the rest of my life.”

Maggie has a huge heart, and would do anything for her “beautiful boy”. She is so committed to him, doing everything she can to help him and support him. But I also loved that she was smart enough to realise that things weren’t quite right.

“I got that he loved me. But was this a love I could deal with? Was this love going to tear me apart?”

“His vulnerability broke my heart. How could needing me this much be good for him?”

She battled with the need to be there for Clay and the need to protect herself, and I absolutely loved and admired her for the strength that she showed in doing what she thought was best.

And then there are Maggie’s best friends, Rachel and Daniel. Together they formed an amazing trio, and I loved the closeness that they shared. They were 100% there for Maggie, and fiercely protective of her, as you would expect best friends to be. Their side story was an unexpected treat, and I am looking forward to reading more about them.

Maggie and Clay’s story is one emotionally wild ride. The ups and downs in their relationship are gut wrenching, and I was in tears a number of times.

This is a beautifully written book. The story, all from Maggie’s POV, is a difficult one to tell, but Walters does it with understanding and incredibly compassionate detail. My heart broke for both Clay and Maggie and all that they went through. And whether I agreed with what they were doing or not, I thought their actions were exactly right for the characters. And the ending, although a bit of a cliffhanger, was absolutely perfect for where the story needed to go.

I absolutely loved it, and can’t wait to continue on with the next book.

“I realised that despite the hangups, despite the crazy drama he created, I would love him always. Clay was mine just as surely as I was his. My life and his were inexplicably intertwined and there was no denying the intense connection we shared.”

5 stars.

The Find You In the Dark series

Find You in the Dark (#1) (Maggie & Clay)
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Cloud Walking (#1.5) (Rachel & Daniel)
Review
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Light in the Shadows (#2) (Maggie & Clay)
Review
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Warmth in Ice (#2.5) (Maggie & Clay)
Review
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