{"id":26649,"date":"2017-10-11T08:30:47","date_gmt":"2017-10-11T12:30:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=26649"},"modified":"2017-12-07T22:23:04","modified_gmt":"2017-12-08T03:23:04","slug":"blog-tour-arc-review-tempt-the-playboy-tempt-2-by-natasha-madison","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=26649","title":{"rendered":"Blog Tour, ARC Review &#038; Excerpt:  Tempt the Playboy (Tempt, #2) by Natasha Madison"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"26689\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=26689\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?fit=1200%2C628&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"1200,628\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Tempt the Playboy Blog Tour Banner\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?fit=150%2C79&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\" wp-image-26689 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?resize=640%2C335&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"335\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?w=1200&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?resize=100%2C52&amp;ssl=1 100w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?resize=150%2C79&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?resize=600%2C314&amp;ssl=1 600w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Blog-Tour-Banner.jpg?resize=650%2C340&amp;ssl=1 650w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2g3Oshu\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Amazon\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2yiJB3g\">Nook<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2xaqeV4\">Kobo<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/smarturl.it\/TemptThePlayboyiBook\">iBooks<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2ya55hu\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Paperback<\/a><\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><!--Yasr Overall Rating Shortcode--><div class=\"yasr-overall-rating\"><div class=' yasr-rater-stars'\r\n                           id='yasr-overall-rating-rater-964e697898688'\r\n                           data-rating='4'\r\n                           data-rater-starsize='32'>\r\n                       <\/div><\/div><!--End Yasr Overall Rating Shortcode--><\/strong><\/h4>\n<hr \/>\n<h4><strong>Synopsis<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>play\u00b7boy<br \/>\n\u02c8pl\u0101\u02ccboi\/<br \/>\nnoun<br \/>\na wealthy man who spends his time enjoying himself, especially one who behaves irresponsibly or is sexually promiscuous.<br \/>\nSynonyms: socialite, pleasure seeker.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><i>Noah<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">I have it all, money, looks, and any woman I want.<br \/>\nTill I meet her and my universe is knocked on its ass and she wants nothing to do with me.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><b><i>Kaleigh<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">My motto: never date the same man twice. I have less chance of breaking my heart that way.<br \/>\nTill my eyes land on the only man I\u2019ll break my rule for.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">She thinks she can run. That I\u2019ll let her get away.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">He thinks he can handle a woman like me.<br \/>\nHe has no idea.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">A man who has it all needs one thing and one thing only. A temptress.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Watch me Tempt the Playboy.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none; overflow: hidden;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FAuthorNatashaMadison%2Fvideos%2F926779604154510%2F&amp;show_text=0&amp;width=560\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h4><b>Review<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><b>4 stars!<\/b><\/p>\n<p>I loved this book! After the awesomeness that is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=20083\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Tempt the Boss<\/a> I was so excited to dive back into this world, and this is a fun, sexy, easy read with lots of laughs, a whole lot of hotness and two characters that you cannot help but love.<\/p>\n<p>This book follows on from <i>Tempt the Boss<\/i>, although it can be read as a standalone. HOWEVER, be aware that most of the action in this book takes place during the same timeframe as <i>Tempt the Boss<\/i>, so this book contains major spoilers for the first. If you haven\u2019t read <i>Tempt the Boss<\/i>, and intend on doing so in the future, definitely start with that one.<\/p>\n<p>This book is the story of Noah and Kaleigh. Noah is the best friend of Austin, and Kaleigh is Lauren\u2019s younger sister \u2013 both introduced in <i>Tempt the Boss<\/i>, with their story playing out in the background. The first book ended with a big reveal for them, and now we get up close and personal with all of their sexy shenanigans, and holy hell this is a hot little read.<\/p>\n<p>Noah is a playboy &#8211; a manwhore who does who he wants, when he wants, and he makes no apologies for it. He is rude and crude with a strong juvenile streak and he absolutely owns it, and I love him for it! There\u2019s something charmingly hilarious about his blas\u00e9 attitude to all thing sex, and it makes for some fun and entertaining reading.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i>\u201cWe have that sexual harassment conference that\u2019s mandatory right after lunch.\u201d He eyes me.<br \/>\n\u201cOh, is it going to be given by Hannah?\u201d I ask him. \u201cI would so bang her. She\u2019s so hot.\u201d<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Kaleigh is very different to Noah in some ways, but she\u2019s his total match in that she\u2019s wild, free, sexually liberated and has a rule about never sleeping with the same guy twice. Their initial meeting sparks their chemistry, followed by flirting, wildly raunchy sexting and a whole lot of innuendo. Their first night together blows both of them away, leaving Noah hungry for more, but Kaleigh is playing by her rules, deciding they should be friends\u2026 until she can\u2019t anymore.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i>I was so fucking right. You cannot be friends with someone you\u2019ve been with, but the thought of not seeing him anymore bothers me more than I care to say.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Their chemistry is too intense, their attraction too strong, and Noah is charmingly persistent (and a little stalker-ish). It\u2019s only a matter of time.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tempt-the-Playboy-Teaser-3.jpg?resize=410%2C407&#038;ssl=1\" width=\"410\" height=\"407\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Whoa this book is hot. The sexy time is sizzling, there\u2019s lots of it and with both Noah and Kaleigh into the dirty talk (and pretty much anything else), there is plenty of hotness to be had. It\u2019s intense and things progress quickly for them, but their relationship is easy and effortless, and it was lots of fun just watching them follow their hearts and just go with it.<\/p>\n<p>But they are both very new to the relationship thing, and unexpected challenges will test them in ways they never expected.<\/p>\n<p>I really enjoyed this read. Noah is hilarious, and I loved his POV, and I loved that Kaleigh was just as wild as he was. It makes for a fun dynamic between them and I loved their chemistry. I would have liked a bit more build up and emotion between them though \u2013 the swoony stuff, though very welcome, was a bit sudden for me. But still, I really loved the way it all played out, and the epilogue was gorgeous.<\/p>\n<p>This book is lots of fun, and with more to come in the series, I can\u2019t wait to continue on.<\/p>\n<p>4 stars.<\/p>\n<p><i>An Advanced Review Copy was generously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Tempt Series<\/strong><\/p>\n<div data-post-id=\"24828\" class=\"insert-page insert-page-24828 \"><p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"18931\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=18931\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Tempt-the-Boss.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"150,225\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Tempt the Boss\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Tempt-the-Boss.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-18931\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Tempt-the-Boss.jpg?resize=80%2C122&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Tempt the Boss\" width=\"80\" height=\"122\" \/>\u00a0\u00a0<img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"24825\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=24825\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Tempt-the-Playboy.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"150,225\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Tempt the Playboy\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Tempt-the-Playboy.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-24825\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Tempt-the-Playboy.jpg?resize=80%2C122&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"80\" height=\"122\" \/>\u00a0 <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"54613\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=54613\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Tempt-the-Ex.jpg?fit=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"200,300\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Tempt the Ex\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Tempt-the-Ex.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-54613\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Tempt-the-Ex-80x122.jpg?resize=80%2C122&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"80\" height=\"122\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Tempt-the-Ex.jpg?resize=80%2C122&amp;ssl=1 80w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Tempt-the-Ex.jpg?zoom=2&amp;resize=80%2C122&amp;ssl=1 160w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px\" \/>\u00a0 <img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"46317\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=46317\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Tempt-the-Hookup.jpg?fit=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"200,300\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Tempt the Hookup\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Tempt-the-Hookup.jpg?fit=150%2C225&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-thumbnail wp-image-46317\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Tempt-the-Hookup.jpg?resize=80%2C122&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"80\" height=\"122\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Tempt-the-Hookup.jpg?resize=80%2C122&amp;ssl=1 80w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Tempt-the-Hookup.jpg?zoom=2&amp;resize=80%2C122&amp;ssl=1 160w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 80px) 100vw, 80px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tempt the Boss (#1)<\/strong><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=20083\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Review<\/a><br \/>\nBuy:\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2ox65Zq\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Amazon\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2niZ4ag\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Nook\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/hyperurl.co\/ovk53g\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">iBooks\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2ooBUUj\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kobo\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2nFi7f8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Paperback<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tempt the Playboy (#2)<br \/>\n<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=26649\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Review<\/a><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong>Buy:<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2g3Oshu\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Amazon\u00a0 <\/a>|\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2yiJB3g\">Nook<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/smarturl.it\/TemptThePlayboyiBook\">iBooks<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2xaqeV4\">Kobo<\/a>\u00a0 |\u00a0\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2ya55hu\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Paperback<\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><strong>Tempt the Ex (#2.5)<br \/>\n<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=54619\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Review<\/a><br \/>\nBuy:\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3iulD8V\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Amazon\u00a0<\/a> |\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/books.apple.com\/us\/book\/id1531114298\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">iBooks\u00a0<\/a> |\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.kobo.com\/ca\/en\/ebook\/tempt-the-ex\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kobo<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Tempt the Hookup (#3)<\/strong><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?p=46872\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Review<\/a><br \/>\nBuy: \u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/2O7I4UZ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Amazon\u00a0<\/a> |\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/bit.ly\/2kSuKrh\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Nook\u00a0<\/a> |\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/apple.co\/2m2tSAl\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">iBooks\u00a0<\/a> |\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2kEBxVv\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Kobo<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<hr \/>\n<h4><strong>Excerpt<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Noah<\/p>\n<p>I wave goodbye to the blonde standing at her door wearing her pink kimono and nothing else as I am pulling away from the curb. I turn on the music, but it\u2019s not on long before I see a call coming in from Austin.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cGo for Ho,\u201d I say to him.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere are you at eight a.m. on a Sunday?\u201d he asks me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat you even ask this makes me question how well you know me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFuck off. You can go a Saturday without having sex and your dick won\u2019t fall off. You know this, right?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Is he serious with this question?<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t even know who you are right now. I think the problem is that you haven\u2019t used your dick since Lauren fucked your balls up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy balls became the fucking size of watermelons. That shit was not funny.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I burst out laughing. \u201cDude, they were not pretty. I thought they\u2019d explode and you\u2019d have just your testicles left on the floor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou better have deleted those fucking pictures that I saw you take.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDelete them? Fuck, it\u2019s my screen saver at work and on my phone. I might get a T-shirt made with that image.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re an asshole.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I smirk at his insult.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve been called much, much worse,\u201d I inform him. I mean, just last week I was called a cocksucker, which is totally not true, because I will not be sucking any cock at any time. Ever.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnyway, brunch, pick me up at noon,\u201d he demands.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou live next door now. Can\u2019t you walk over?\u201d He moved in within two weeks of seeing the house. It was so fast and came almost furnished, so he was in within a day.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFine, I\u2019ll walk over at noon. Be ready.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLater, princess.\u201d I disconnect the call as soon as I arrive home, pulling my car into the garage. At noon he knocks on the door, opening it, and coming in before I have a chance to make it downstairs.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLet\u2019s go. We\u2019ll take my car,\u201d he yells from downstairs.<\/p>\n<p>I run my hand through my still damp hair before walking downstairs.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re so antsy today.\u201d I look at him as he bounces on the heels of his feet. I follow him out, getting inside and leaning my head back, closing my eyes.<\/p>\n<p>When we show up in front of a house, that is when Austin fills me in.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere the fuck are we? I thought you said we were going to brunch.\u201d I look over at all the white picket fence houses.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, pit stop first. I have to pick up my dry cleaning at Lauren\u2019s,\u201d he tells me, getting out of the car.<\/p>\n<p>Once we make our way around her house, I ask him, \u201cWhy are we at her house?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe\u2019s having a brunch.\u201d He shrugs. \u201cI may have sent her some penis decorations,\u201d he says to me before walking to the fence at the side of the house.<\/p>\n<p>The first thing I see are all the balloons. Fuck, my hand goes to my mouth. \u201cHoly shit, she is going to cut your dick off with dental floss,\u201d I say before he knocks on the gate and walks into the backyard.<\/p>\n<p>Austin stops in his tracks, mid-step. I almost run into him when I see that it isn\u2019t just a small brunch, but there are about fifteen or so people scattered around the yard.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHoly shit,\u201d I whisper, looking at Lauren. \u201cDude, I think she\u2019s going to cry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Austin\u2019s eyes snap straight to Lauren.<\/p>\n<p>But I\u2019m not looking at Lauren anymore. In my eyesight is the blonde standing next to her. She\u2019s a knockout. Actually, that isn\u2019t even a good enough word for her. She is breathtaking. Her blond hair moves a bit with the wind. Her blue eyes are almost like the Caribbean ocean that you want to plunge into. I can\u2019t stop looking at her. I don\u2019t even hear what Lauren and Austin are talking about. Instead, I watch the woman, who finally looks over at me. I\u2019m about to say something to her when I hear something about a chocolate willy.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, you cannot have a willy chocolate. We are going to eat in a minute.\u201d She turns and storms inside.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis is not good for anyone. You must be Asshat.\u201d She points to him. \u201cYou\u2019ve poked the bear now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t say anything else since he turns and follows Lauren inside.<\/p>\n<p>The blonde turns to me. \u201cSo, how you doing?\u201d she says in her best Joey Tribbiani voice.<\/p>\n<p>That she is trying to use the best line to ever be said I smirk thinking I might have found my soul mate. Okay, maybe my sex mate, for the night. \u201cIt\u2019s looking up now. I\u2019m really hoping it\u2019s going to look up more tonight.\u201d I wink at her and smile.<\/p>\n<p>When she starts to drag her eyes up and down my body while she licks her lips like I\u2019m her next meal, my cock suddenly starts to stir, wanting out.<\/p>\n<p>I hear Rachel yelling, \u201cDaddy, look, a willy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFuck, this just got interesting. The ex is here,\u201d she says, looking at the gate where a man just walked in and is kissing Rachel\u2019s head. \u201cI better go save Austin and warn Lauren.\u201d She walks away.<\/p>\n<p>I watch her ass sway from side to side. I look down at my hands. Yup, definitely a good fit. I run after her as she closes the back door.<\/p>\n<p>She\u2019s about to knock on the door when we hear Lauren\u2019s voice go high.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDidn\u2019t you get your revenge already? You penis-bombed my parents\u2019 anniversary party!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I move behind the blonde and notice that her head goes up to my lips. My hands go directly to her hips. Her head turns to the side. \u201cI want to hear what they are saying.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She just smiles at me and I\u2019m feeling my hard cock against her back.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShould I bend over so you can put your ear to the door?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Fuck me, I think I just jazzed in my pants.<\/p>\n<p>I pull her even closer to me. \u201cYou bend over and there will be one more penis added to this party.\u201d I\u2019m about to lean forward and kiss her when I hear Austin finally yell back.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou made my balls swell to the size of fucking grapefruits. I thought they were going to explode.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I laugh at that.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey were fucking huge. I have the pictures to show. Lauren was a pain in his balls, that\u2019s for sure.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She leans into the front of my chest.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI did no such thing.\u201d She tries to deny weakly. \u201cBut this, this&#8230; You pushed it too far.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow about we call a truce?\u201d Austin tries to plead. \u201cI don\u2019t think I can take any more. I almost died, and my testicles almost exploded.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFine,\u201d she complies.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTruce.\u201d I hear whispered.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou think they\u2019re fucking in there?\u201d We both lean into the door to hear.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy sister wouldn\u2019t fuck with a party in her house.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s a shame. Is this a family trait?\u201d I try goading her to see what line she will pass.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI have no problem having sex with people around.\u201d She winks at me. \u201cI mean, if he was really, really worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This woman will be the death of me, or I might faint from all my blood going straight to my cock. Which is as hard as a marble statue.<\/p>\n<p>She lifts her hand to knock on the door. \u201cHey, I don\u2019t mean to interrupt, but, um, Jake is here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The door unlocks, swinging open with Lauren standing there with a pink tint to her cheeks and Austin has his hand rubbing his neck.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat do you mean, Jake is here? Why is Jake here?\u201d she asks with her voice rising with each question.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHi\u201d\u2014the woman pushes Lauren aside\u2014\u201cI\u2019m Kaleigh, her favorite sister,\u201d she introduces herself.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe\u2019s my only sister, and she will be homeless in a second if she doesn\u2019t get out of my way.\u201d Lauren\u2019s voice is angry.<\/p>\n<p>I chuckle behind her. Lauren turns and points at me. \u201cYou, if I find out you helped him, it\u2019s going to be on,\u201d she hisses and leans in closer to me when she continues, \u201clike Donkey Kong.\u201d And then she walks away.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat the fuck does she mean, like Donkey Kong?\u201d I turn to Kaleigh, looking for an answer.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, I was on that list only once\u201d\u2014she leans in closer to me\u2014\u201cand I begged and cried to get off of it.\u201d She looks at Austin then back at me. \u201cIt was like living in that movie The Shining, but worse.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I feel my face pale at that little tidbit of information.<\/p>\n<p>I point at Austin. \u201cIf I get it like Donkey Kong, I\u2019m going to put the pictures of your swollen, abnormally large testicles on a billboard in Times Square,\u201d I threaten him, while Kaleigh just watches us.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho the fuck is Jake?\u201d Austin finally asks.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHer ex. This should be fun,\u201d Kaleigh claims, walking away from us.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou took a picture of my nuts?\u201d he asks when Lauren storms out.<\/p>\n<p>I shake my head at him. \u201cNo, I took a burst of shots of your nuts.\u201d Then I walk out, following Kaleigh. My dick leads the way to her. He hasn\u2019t even met her yet he\u2019s already on radar for her.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d I hear Lauren ask a guy who must be Jake.<\/p>\n<p>While I take in the scene, I turn my head, catching one of the waiters passing around some canap\u00e9s. I also grab champagne from another tray.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat the fuck are you doing?\u201d I hear Austin hiss at my side while he watches Lauren and her ex.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m eating and drinking,\u201d I say, showing him my full hands. \u201cI mean, this is a party. You did bring me to a party.\u201d I finish off the food. \u201cYou should try those mushroom things. They are really good,\u201d I say, finishing off the champagne and signaling the waiter for more. I grab another glass. \u201cDid the ex leave?\u201d I ask Austin as I drain my second glass.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, he came to get the kids and forgot it was the party. Guy looks like a douche,\u201d Austin says.<\/p>\n<p>Kaleigh informs Lauren that we are sitting at their table.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey aren\u2019t staying,\u201d Lauren says before she turns around, heading inside.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, come now, Lauren. That would be rude,\u201d Dede chides. \u201cYou can sit at our table.\u201d She turns to Frank. \u201cLet\u2019s go sit down, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Once everyone is seated, I look around our table. It\u2019s Kaleigh, Frank, Dede, Lauren, Austin, and Josh, who I found out is a doctor and bears a striking resemblance to Newman from Seinfeld.<\/p>\n<p>He sits next to Lauren, standing up when she gets to the table and pushing her chair in. She looks over at him and smiles. I watch all this take place and then see the tic in Austin\u2019s neck start to throb.<\/p>\n<p>He grabs his glass of wine and downs it in one gulp. \u201cSlow down there, slugger. We don\u2019t want you flying off on one of those penis balloons,\u201d I whisper in his ear while he glares at me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo,\u201d Josh starts, looking at Lauren. \u201cI hear congratulations are in order. You\u2019re back in the work force now.\u201d He continues in that annoyingly nasal voice of his, \u201cHow does this weekend sound?\u201d He blushes and looks down at his hands. What a putz.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, um, she can\u2019t do it this weekend,\u201d Kaleigh answers for Lauren. \u201cShe\u2019s having her bikini area waxed and styled,\u201d she explains, nodding her head.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat?\u201d He looks confused.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWell\u201d\u2014Kaleigh leans in and whispers\u2014\u201cit\u2019s like the Amazon down there.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I spit water from my mouth, almost fucking choking while their mother puts her hand to her mouth and Lauren throws her fork down on the plate, the clatter hushing the whispers at our table.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKaleigh,\u201d she grates out, her jaw ticking.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat?\u201d she asks. \u201cWas it a secret?\u201d She shrugs. \u201cSo sorry.\u201d She brings her glass of wine to her mouth in an attempt to hide her smirk.<\/p>\n<p>My eyes shoot to each of them like I\u2019m watching a tennis match.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDear,\u201d Lauren\u2019s mother questions, \u201care you okay? Is this procedure normal?\u201d She gives her daughter a look filled with concern.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMom\u2014\u201d Lauren starts before she is cut off by her father.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLauren, it\u2019s been a while since Jake left. Maybe if you\u201d\u2014he gestures with his hand in a circle and his finger sliding in and out\u2014\u201cyou won\u2019t be so stressed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She slams her hands on the table, the glasses clinking and rocking with the force of it. \u201cI&#8217;m not having any hair removal procedures done, because it is not necessary. Can we please just\u2014\u201d This time, she is cut off by her mother.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo, you\u2019ve had sex since Jake?\u201d Dede asks her, a smile on her face. \u201cThis is so good to hear.\u201d She claps her hands together then leans over and puts her hand on Lauren\u2019s. \u201cI thought you had that glow about you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m going to the bathroom,\u201d Lauren excuses herself as she gets up and points to Kaleigh. \u201cYou\u201d\u2014she growls\u2014\u201ccome with me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh,\u201d Kaleigh replies, completely unperturbed, \u201cI\u2019m good. I don\u2019t need to go. I\u2019ll just wait here. Keep the guests entertained.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNot a word. Or else Donkey Kong,\u201d she promises before she storms off.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo,\u201d Dede starts, turning to Austin. \u201cHow long have you two been dating?\u201d She looks at him and then at the door Lauren just walked through.<\/p>\n<p>Kaleigh laughs. \u201cOh, they aren\u2019t dating, Mom. He\u2019s her boss,\u201d she helpfully points out. \u201cHe sent all these penis balloons.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Frank looks over at Austin. \u201cYou sent all these balloons and ruined all her hard work?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUm, sir, if I could just explain.\u201d Before Austin can say anything else, Frank puts up his hand to stop him.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI like you,\u201d he declares right before someone clinks their glass and the speeches start.<\/p>\n<p>I put my hand around Kaleigh\u2019s chair while my thumb rubs her exposed shoulder. I lean in to whisper in her ear, \u201cSo since we are talking about bikini waxes and everything, will I need a machete?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She puts her shoulder into my arm, fitting there perfectly. \u201cNo machete needed. You see, I have a very well-manicured lawn.\u201d She raises her eyebrows at me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe should have a picnic. I heard eating well-manicured lawns can fill up a person.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Her cheeks pinked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ve never eaten manicured lawn before, but I have eaten some pretty good sausages.\u201d She bites my ear, making me almost groan, but then Austin kicks my chair to get my attention.<\/p>\n<p>My eyebrows shoot up when Austin says urgently, \u201cGotta go,\u201d then glances over at Lauren, who is coming straight for us like a bull and Austin is the one waving the red cape. \u201cNow would be good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He throws his napkin on the plate in front of him. \u201cThis has been fun,\u201d he murmurs, trying to escape.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRunning off so early, guys?\u201d she sing-songs as she comes up behind us. The way she says it, even my balls are inverted.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe intruded,\u201d Austin says. \u201cThank you for having us. Dede, Frank, I wish you many more years of happiness.\u201d We rush out on a wave, out the side gate.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cRun,\u201d Austin says the minute the gate closes behind us, and he doesn\u2019t have to tell me twice.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat the fuck just happened? I didn\u2019t even get Kaleigh\u2019s number,\u201d I whine, getting in the car, not even buckling in before he races away.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI may have had male strippers show up,\u201d he says, looking into his side-view mirror.<\/p>\n<p>I turn my head, seeing about twelve men all getting into a big bus of sorts. \u201cYup, you\u2019ve done pissed off the fucking Donkey Kong. She\u2019s going to rain down on you. I suggest you run, move, and don\u2019t look back.\u201d I buckle myself in. \u201cOh, and don\u2019t tell me where you\u2019re going because I\u2019ll fucking tell her.\u201d I grab my cock in my hands. \u201cShe\u2019s not getting next to my pride and joy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I laugh at him. \u201cYou think?\u201d I shake my head. \u201cYou have no idea.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Kaleigh<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know what is going on, but one second I\u2019m talking about eating sausages on my manicured lawn and the next Lauren is storming across the lawn and Austin and Noah are running away.<\/p>\n<p>I get up. \u201cWhat did I miss?\u201d I look back and forth from the gate where it just slammed and to my sister.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe entire cast of Thunder From Down Under just arrived.\u201d She looks around to see if the guests are okay.<\/p>\n<p>I get up, raising my skirt a little bit to show off more leg. \u201cWhere? Are they inside? Shit, do I look okay?\u201d I fluff my hair.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKaleigh,\u201d she whisper-hisses, \u201cthey aren\u2019t here anymore. I sent them away.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I groan and slam one hand on the table. \u201cWhy? Why would you do that?\u201d I get up and run to the side gate to see if they\u2019re still in the driveway. \u201cBuzz kill,\u201d I call her as I pick up Rachel. \u201cCan you protect me from Mommy?\u201d I whisper in her ear before blowing kisses in her neck while Lauren sits down and starts her meal of wine.<\/p>\n<p>The rest of the afternoon goes by without any further penis-related incidents. All cupcakes have been consumed, minus the penis cake toppers that Lauren removed before serving them.<\/p>\n<p>Once everyone has left, Lauren plops down into her chair and throws her feet up on the one Austin sat in. \u201cThat was fun, right?\u201d I ask, grabbing a strawberry.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou told people I had a strange excessive hair issue on my hoo-ha that required a complicated bikini wax and styling.\u201d She glares at me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI was trying to get Josh to imagine that you&#8217;re a woman with a hairy bush so he doesn\u2019t ask you out again!\u201d I drink from the wine glass I\u2019m holding in my hand. \u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d I smirk.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat the hell are we going to do with all those penis balloons?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She looks around. \u201cAsshole,\u201d she grumbles under her breath.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s the story with Noah?\u201d I try to ask casually, thinking back to the conversation we had. I would have let him plow my lawn.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo idea. He\u2019s Austin\u2019s best friend from what I gathered,\u201d she tells me while looking at Rachel, who is running in circles with, unfortunately, a penis balloon in her hand. \u201cTen minutes to bath time!\u201d she calls out, hoping she acknowledges her, but she just continues her one-girl\u2014with a penis balloon\u2014parade.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMom,\u201d we hear Gabe call from behind us. \u201cCan I go to Jesse\u2019s house to kick the ball around?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She checks her watch before answering. \u201cOnly for thirty minutes, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo, what are you going to do to Austin for all of this?\u201d I ask, pointing to the balloons.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNothing.\u201d She smirks. \u201cWe called a truce.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I sit up and put my glass down. \u201cI know that smirk. I\u2019ve been on the receiving end of that smirk!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI mean, we called truce today, right? We didn\u2019t call truce on Wednesday when he made me run back out for a fucking crisp kosher pickle, because the one that came with his sandwich was limp, right?\u201d she asks me with a perplexed smile on her face. It\u2019s almost like you\u2019re looking into evil.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat did you do now? From the pictures, his balls were almost the size of Gabe\u2019s soccer ball.\u201d I think back on Noah\u2019s phone that he took out when he got a text from someone. His lock screen was of swollen balls.<\/p>\n<p>She slaps the table. \u201cYou saw pictures?\u201d Her mouth is hanging open.<\/p>\n<p>I nod. \u201cI did. Not the actual frank, though, just the beans. But they were ginormous.\u201d I motion with my hands, forming them into huge round objects in the air. \u201cNow, what did you do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNothing that will make any part of him swell. I will never, ever do something like that again.\u201d She shakes her head. \u201cI may have shredded one of his parking tickets that had to be paid by yesterday so he could avoid his car getting booted,\u201d she confesses quietly, looking into the glass she picked up from the table.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHoly shit. I hope you kept the photocopies, because you can\u2019t not pay that. He is going to know it was you,\u201d I warn her.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know, I know. I kept them, so just relax.\u201d She puts her hands on her hips and states defensively, \u201cI\u2019m going to pay them.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhen?\u201d I ask her again, earning an eye roll from her.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNext week,\u201d she replies. \u201cRach, bath time.\u201d She walks to the back door. \u201cDon\u2019t you dare sit there and judge me, missy.\u201d She points at me. \u201cBy the way, the potatoes had butter in them. That\u2019s for the bikini wax,\u201d she says before she turns her back to me and walks inside with the sound of her curses filling my ears.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAre you fucking insane? I\u2019m vegan. That\u2019s fucking wrong.\u201d I shake my head, picking up a penis straw and throwing it at her, where it nose dives on the table.<\/p>\n<p>I sit down, finishing the rest of my wine while the cleanup crew comes and starts taking down everything.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cExcuse me, ma\u2019am,\u201d one of the men calls me. \u201cWhere do you want all the balloons?\u201d he asks me.<\/p>\n<p>I smile at him.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIn my sister\u2019s car.\u201d I point to the gate door. \u201cThe minibus in the front, just pile them in there.\u201d He smiles at me and nods, the balloons following him as he walks to the car, shoving most of them in there.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cTake that, Donkey Kong Bitch.\u201d I smile into the wine glass, finishing off the last drop.<\/p>\n<p>I walk inside, closing the door, then walk upstairs right as Lauren comes out of the bathroom. \u201cAre the guys still cleaning up?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYeah, they are almost done.\u201d I smile at her, walking to my room and closing the door. I turn on one soft light in the room, undressing, tossing my dress into the basket. My phone buzzes and I pick it up as I lie on the bed and see I missed out on quite a bit.<\/p>\n<p>There are messages from the studio about a change in the times. Then there is another one from an unknown number.<\/p>\n<p>Hey, I hope I have the right person. Do you have a manicured lawn?<\/p>\n<p>I throw my head back, laughing at the message.<\/p>\n<p>It depends on who is asking. How did you get my number?<\/p>\n<p>I jump onto Facebook while I wait to see if he\u2019ll answer right away.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s called stalking 101. I went on Lauren\u2019s Facebook, went to her friends list, found you. Clicked your page, and on your about section I saw your studio name. Clicked the studio and then boom, I got my prize.<\/p>\n<p>I shake my head.<\/p>\n<p>Wow, you put a lot of thought into this process. Well, I should make it worthwhile. I take a picture of my bare legs.<\/p>\n<p>Holy shit, are we exchanging pictures already? This is fantastic news.<\/p>\n<p>The picture is of him lying down, wearing a pair of basketball shorts, on the bed. The elastic rides very low, showing you he\u2019s a landscaper also. His chest perfect, his abs defined. He\u2019s not a muscle man, but it\u2019s the side abs that get me. Cut and lean. That is the best way I can describe him.<\/p>\n<p>Thanks for that. It made it into my spank bank.<\/p>\n<p>I got a lot more where that came from, but I don\u2019t give it away on the first night. Have dinner with me?<\/p>\n<p>When?<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>I shrug my shoulders, thinking what the worse that can happen is.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, where?<\/p>\n<p>My place, your place, the fucking park. I don\u2019t care as long as you&#8217;re sitting in front of me.<\/p>\n<p>I giggle.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a good one. How about I meet you at your place say 6 p.m.<\/p>\n<p>Perfect. What\u2019s your favorite thing to eat?<\/p>\n<p>I smirk at myself while I answer him.<\/p>\n<p>Cock. Lots and lots of cock. See you tomorrow, Noah. Send me your address.<\/p>\n<p>974 Sherville Rd. Oh and that answer made this happen.<\/p>\n<p>The picture that comes through is his shorts, hiding a very erect cock.<\/p>\n<p>See you tomorrow, beautiful.<\/p>\n<p>I turn on my side, watching the stars twinkle outside. Closing off my light, the lights from outside stream in. I yawn and slowly close my eyes and drift off to sleep, dreaming of blue oceans and eyes that make me get lost.<\/p>\n<p>My night dreams are of the beach, chasing the waves, running, doing cartwheels in the sand. Sitting in the middle of the sand, taking in the beauty of the sun going down. My alarm wakes me with charm bells. Slowly at first, soft, going higher and higher till it\u2019s like a siren.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAunt Kay.\u201d I hear Rachel outside my door. \u201cMom said to get your bony hind downstairs and get the willy balloons out of the car.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I turn over, laughing while I throw the covers off, grabbing my robe and going to the door. I open the door and Rachel is still standing there. \u201cYou\u2019re in big trouble, missy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She leans in, whispering as I pick her up, bringing her close to me, \u201cShe used her mom inside voice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I lean back, my eyes going wide. \u201cOh, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes,\u201d she says, nodding, \u201cshe talks like this.\u201d She imitates Lauren talking with her teeth clenched.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh, well, I better go get dressed and bring my behind downstairs.\u201d I kiss her neck. \u201cGo brush your teeth while I get dressed.\u201d I put her down, watching her run into her bathroom.<\/p>\n<p>I walk to my drawer, taking out my pink yoga capris with the matching bra. I head downstairs while Lauren gives the ten-minute warning.<\/p>\n<p>I smile as I step into the kitchen. \u201cGood morning, sunshine.\u201d I stop at the coffee machine.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDid you put the penis balloons in my car?\u201d She turns to ask me, stuffing papers into Rachel\u2019s backpack.<\/p>\n<p>I bring the cup of coffee to my lips. \u201cNo.\u201d I shake my head, hiding my smile while I take a sip. \u201cI didn\u2019t put them in your car.\u201d I\u2019m not lying either. I myself didn\u2019t put them in her car.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy whole car is filled with penis balloons.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I put the cup down as Lauren yells bus up the stairs. Rachel comes hopping into the room, grabbing her backpack, with Gabe right behind her. He grabs his bag from Lauren, kisses her cheek, then comes over to me and does the same.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHave a kick-ass day,\u201d I tell him.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m going to kick ass today,\u201d Rachel says, walking out the door.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWatch your mouth,\u201d Lauren says and follows them outside to the bus.<\/p>\n<p>I pick up my cup and watch them walk to the bus stop. The bus arrives right on time. I wave goodbye to them as Lauren returns.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou okay to work today?\u201d I ask her, knowing that somehow things between Austin and her aren\u2019t quite what they seem to be.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m more than okay. I\u2019ll be fine now that we have all\u201d\u2014she waves her hand in the air\u2014\u201cthat animosity out of the way.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I laugh at her. \u201cIs that what you\u2019re calling it?\u201d I hold the cup with both hands, taking another gulp.<\/p>\n<p>She glares at me, opening her car door, one helium penis balloon floating up into the sky. We both watch the balloon float off. She opens the back door and the rest slowly float out. \u201cLet them go, Lauren,\u201d I say loudly as Mrs. Flounder comes outside, her hair still in curlers, with a scarf around her head. \u201cIt\u2019s raining penises, Mrs. Flounder. They are raining down on us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I raise my hand to the sky. She claps her hands together. \u201cI would like to be rained down on.\u201d She winks at Lauren. \u201cFor a whole five minutes. That would be my dream.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I raise my cup to her. \u201cHere\u2019s hoping.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t have time for this,\u201d Lauren says, closing the back door, then climbing into the front seat. \u201cDon\u2019t forget the kids.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAye aye, captain,\u201d I say, saluting her. \u201cI have a date tonight.\u201d I wiggle my eyebrows. \u201cA date I hope to become the pretzel.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She laughs as she pulls out of the driveway.<\/p>\n<p>By the time I make it to the studio doing my routine and making it back home where I get the kids ready and settled, I have just enough time to throw on a dark blue summer dress. I pick up my purse from the bed, tossing the bra and panties that I am happily going without.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h4><strong>Abou<\/strong><strong>t the Author<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>When her nose isn\u2019t buried in a book, or her fingers flying across a keyboard writing, she\u2019s in the kitchen creating gourmet meals. You can find her, in four inch heels no less, in the car chauffeuring kids, or possibly with her husband scheduling his business trips. It\u2019s a good thing her characters do what she says, because even her Labrador doesn\u2019t listen to her\u2026<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodreads.com\/author\/show\/15371222.Natasha_Madison\"><b>Goodreads<\/b><\/a><strong>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/NatashaMAuthor\"><b>Twitter<\/b><\/a>\u00a0<strong> |\u00a0<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Natasha-Madison-647676165398190\/\"><b>Facebook<\/b><\/a>\u00a0<strong> |\u00a0<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/natashamauthor\/?hl=en\"><b>Instagram<\/b><\/a><b>\u00a0 |\u00a0 <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Natasha-Madison\/e\/B01JFFMPP8\/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1483857637&amp;sr=8-1\"><b>Amazon<\/b><\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/1152112081478827\/\"><b>Readers Group <\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"12671\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=12671\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?fit=350%2C66&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"350,66\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1459259983&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Ardent Prose Button\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?fit=150%2C28&amp;ssl=1\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-12671 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?resize=350%2C66\" alt=\"\" width=\"350\" height=\"66\" data-attachment-id=\"12671\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/?attachment_id=12671\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?fit=350%2C66\" data-orig-size=\"350,66\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1459259983&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"Ardent Prose Button\" data-image-description=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?fit=100%2C19\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/IMG_0828-e1490882371842.jpg?fit=150%2C28\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; Amazon\u00a0 |\u00a0 Nook\u00a0 |\u00a0 Kobo\u00a0 |\u00a0 iBooks\u00a0 |\u00a0 Paperback &nbsp; Synopsis play\u00b7boy \u02c8pl\u0101\u02ccboi\/ noun a wealthy man who spends his time enjoying himself, especially one who behaves irresponsibly or is sexually promiscuous. Synonyms: socialite, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":24825,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","yasr_overall_rating":4,"yasr_post_is_review":"","yasr_auto_insert_disabled":"","yasr_review_type":"Product","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[65,9,29],"tags":[59,581,48,728],"class_list":["post-26649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lol-funny","category-romance","category-steamy","tag-arc","tag-natasha-madison","tag-review","tag-tempt"],"yasr_visitor_votes":{"stars_attributes":{"read_only":false,"span_bottom":false},"number_of_votes":0,"sum_votes":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/Tempt-the-Playboy.jpg?fit=150%2C225&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7gaNL-6VP","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26649"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26649\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/24825"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.escapistbookblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}