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Review

3 heartbroken, oh-so conflicted stars

OMG, this book! I am so conflicted after this SUPER emotional read which is part romance/part women’s fiction. It’s so engaging, a beautiful and sweet character-driven story, with well-written drama and a gorgeous love story, but it’s also devastatingly tragic and confronting which (IMHO) went a bit too far. I loved it so much… until I didn’t. And I’m still dealing with my broken heart and coming to terms with all that this book made me feel so please bear with me while I purge my feels.

Rebecca Yarros writes such wonderful military romance. In this case she introduces us to special forces solder, Beckett, who is serving overseas. Beckett is a loner, with no ties back in the US and no real home to speak of. He’s mostly detached, except for his bond with his service dog and his fellow solder and best friend, Ryan, and that’s why Ryan sets him up to write to his sister back home.

Ella is a 25-year-old single mother of twins who is running her family’s luxury cabin accommodation in the mountains of Colorado. She’s sacrificed a lot to enhance the business and keep it running, while also raising her six-year-old children, Colton and Maisie. She’s lost her parents, her children’s father left her as soon as he learned about the twins, and with her brother serving overseas she doesn’t really have anybody close that she can lean on, so when she starts to write to a soldier overseas, codename ‘Chaos’, she finds somebody that she can pour her heart out and be real with.

When Ryan is killed, Beckett receives his last letter which begs him to go home and look after his sister. Not only is she now truly all alone, but little Maisie is sick with an aggressive cancer, and she and the kids need all the support they can get. So Beckett travels to Colorado clutching Ryan’s letter and determined to be there for the woman that, through her letters, has come to mean so much to him.

I was here for as long as Ella would let me stay. Because somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I’d fallen in love with her.

I don’t want to go into too much more detail than that, because you really need to experience this book as it unfolds. It’s unexpected, and uncovering the connection between Ella and Beckett as she slowly lets him into her life is just beautiful. It’s a slow burn, which is completely understandable given the circumstances, but seeing Beckett be there for Ella and her children is so, so beautiful, with moments of drama, sweetness, and so much freaking cuteness.

The love story develops slowly, though the chemistry and emotion is strong from the start, and I loved watching the build-up between Ella and Beckett. They are in an extremely difficult situation, and they have hurdles to overcome, but they find something amazing together and I loved watching it all unfold. The letters that they wrote to each other are woven into the story beautifully, and bring a lot of depth to their growing relationship, and I thought it was really cleverly done.

We share their journey with little Maisie, and Yarros doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to her illness. We see each devastating details of her treatment – both the setbacks and the triumphs – as well as the emotional toll that it takes on the little girl and her family, and it made my heart ache so many times.

But it allows us to see so much of Ella, and wow, I loved her! Her strength just floored me as she persevered through unimaginable situations. She did frustrate me at times with her reluctance to trust, but given all that she’d been through, I could understand where she was coming from – even though it hurt my heart. But it makes her gradual acceptance of Beckett all the more special as she lets him in.

“Don’t let go,” she whispered. Her hands were still between us, but she wasn’t pushing me away, they were simply resting on my pecs. If anything, she leaned in. “I’d forgotten what this felt like.”
“Being hugged?” My voice was sandpaper-rough.
“Being held together.”

And Beckett is pure tortured romantic hero gold! He is struggling with all he’s been through, and he has issues that he needs to deal with, but OMG, he’s pure perfection. Sweet, sensitive, loyal and committed, he’s wonderful with the kids, demonstrative and affectionate with his feelings, and he’s hotter than all hell. His patience with Ella and his understanding of her situation is amazing, and I loved his devotion to her and the kids.

“I would do anything for you.”

Little Colt and Maisie absolutely stole my heart. Their connection to each other is so beautiful to see, and the bond that they develop with Beckett is heartachingly gorgeous.

“Is this what it feel like?” he whispered so quietly that I leaned down.
“What it feels like?” I asked.
“Having a Dad?”

It’s a beautiful story! The writing is strong and gorgeously emotive, the story absolutely captured my heart, and I couldn’t read fast enough. I loved the romance, I loved that it was so much more than just the love story, and I loved watching Beckett and Ella and the kids on their journey.

This was totally a 5-star read until those last few chapters where the beauty of the story is overshadowed by the events at the end of the book… Not too spoilery, just ranty –

Sometimes bad things happen. And there’s no blame to be placed. You can’t reason with the universe, no matter how sound your logic is … We are imperfect people made that way by an imperfect world, and we don’t always get a say in what shapes us.

So yeah, I’m very torn. I can’t fault the writing, I just wish the story hadn’t ended the way it did.

Loved the book, hated the ending, splitting the difference at 3 stars.

An Advanced Review Copy was generously provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.